Good Christian Bitches

Sarah Tressler Stripper and Reporter for Houston Chronicle sues. Sarah Tressler's attorney is Gloria Allred.

I recently came across an article from a sophisticated news source (RadarOnline) that discussed a simply scandalous situation that, no doubt, has Viagra-and-nitroglycerin-fueled hearts fluttering in Texas.

Apparently, The Houston Chronicle’s “High Society” reporter, Sarah Tressler, was recently fired after The Houston Press reported that she had been moonlighting as a stripper for quite some time.  I guess her additional job as a professor at the University of Houston wasn’t saucy enough to focus on.  Yes, that’s right – a professor.  The girl earned her MASTERS degree in journalism from NYU.

However, this was no big secret as the reporter had been blogging about her work as a stripper for quite some time.  Consequently, she was shocked that another publication would deem it newsworthy enough to publish.  She thought that nobody would ever be “that mean”.

Bless her little heart, but she doesn’t to be very knowledgeable about the inner workings of “high society” for they are some of the meanest people around.  I should know – I’m one of them and look how “not nice” I am . . . all . . . the . . . time.

Or . . . she is a marketing genius!

If I had to guess, the “River Oaks” crowd has their La Perla in a tight little wad and this is probably THE topic of conversation on Sunday mornings at church.  Ironically.  Half of those prudes’ husbands have probably had this “reporter” literally in their laps.  How does that conversation go at the local country club??

Reporter/Stripper/Professor: “Mr. Habersham (sounds fancy enough).  It was simply delightful to see you last night at ‘Pussy Cats’!

The Fictitious Mr. Habersham:  Has heart attack.  Literally.

According to the Reporter/Stripper/Professor, she could earn as much as $2,000 per night! working as a stripper.

Pardon me while I put my keyboard down and start filling out that application.

(And if my piece-of-shit ex-husband's divorce attorney is reading this . . . . well then, fuck you.  I'm just kidding.)

While the publication didn’t name the exotic dancing establishment she was working for, I can only assume that, since she was making two large a night, it wasn’t at one of those windowless establishments out by the airport.  In fact, I would have to guess that earning that level of income requires being patronized by those same people who are now so indignant that they were associating with this burlesque queen.  Call it Strippers in the Midst.

As a Jewish woman, I am in no position to start quoting New Testament verses that would support these Good Christian Bitches’ stance on the matter, but I’m sure they can quickly come up with something.  However, I know for a fact that “Thou Shalt Not Dance Naked for Dollar Bills” is not on God’s ‘Top Ten’ list of “Don’ts”.  Just give me ten minutes, a good cocktail and access to The Googles, and I’ll betcha I can quickly find a whole of bible quotes about hypocrisy, jealousy, backstabbing and the like.

At the end of the day, it really is a genius move on her part.  Get to know “the establishment,” greet them on a first name basis at the club (not the country club, the other one), and then write a book about it.  But first, why don’t you think about hiring Gloria Allred and sue their little panties off for gender discrimination??  That would be deliciously ironic on just so many wonderful and different levels. 

Sarah, you’re smarter than all of those Good Christian Bitches combined.  Well done, my friend.  Very well done.

© Two too smart, smartass mommies 2011