My “Liberal, Progressive, Smartass Arsenal”

Why are we so cute.jpg Gay marriage.  If God hates gays, why are we so cute?

Back in July, we wrote a post specifically regarding the Chick-fil-A “controversy”.  It was one of our most popular posts and we lost a grand total of one Facebook follower because of it.  Awesome!

A few weeks ago, a gentleman from Utah named “Gregory” (his real name) stumbled across that image on our Pinterest page and posted the following comment (which he has since deleted):

I support Chick-fil-A 1,000%!!!  Same-sex marriage is simply NOT NATURAL and God will PUNISH those who condone it.  

Niiiiiiice Gregory.

So I responded with the following:

Good for you Gregory. Way to take a stand on only supporting what’s “natural”. Just be sure to keep that in mind as you eat some processed foods, drive in your manufactured car and play around on Pinterest. I respect the right to your opinion, which is why I am going to leave your comment for all to see. Just keep in mind, the masses used to not think it was NATURAL for whites to marry non-whites. So please, support Chick-Fil-A “1,000%” by eating their completely “NATURAL”  food. I will, however, block your sorry self from OUR Pinterest boards for supporting homophobia.

and then I proceeded to block him.

Well . . . that didn’t sit well with poor Gregory.

So he contacted us via e-mail.  What you read below is our entire, unedited conversation (pictures were added for the sake of a more visually interesting blog post; sweet Gregory is in blue, this Smartass is in red).  Please enjoy.

Oct 19, 2012, at 1:47 PM, Gregory B***** <greg.******@me.com> wrote:

You blocked me, so I wasn't able to post on the picture, but I felt it my duty to make sure you head what I had to say to you. So here it is. In response to your response to my comment on  your obscene meme about Chik-Fil-A.

Wow. I feel sorry for you. I really, really do. And to think, it’s people like you that call people like me “intolerant”.

I am not homophobic. I am not afraid of the people themselves. I love them and want to help them overcome their awful temptation, so they can know true happiness. The happiness that only comes from living the way God wants us to live. However, I am TERRIFIED of what will happen if we allow homosexuality to become completely accepted and supported in our society. If we do a thing like legalizing gay marriage, we run the risk of distorting the moral compass of the entire next generation. That will destroy us. God will destroy us, just like He did to other civilizations that allowed themselves to accept such depravity.

I am about as open minded as a devout Christian can get. I am open to new ways of thinking and all kinds of different people. But there are some things that just cannot change. Things that are eternally true and right, no matter what we do or say.

On Oct 22, 2012, at 9:38 AM, Smartass Mommy <SmartassAdmin@TwoTooSmartSmartassMommies.com> wrote:

Good morning sunshine!!

In your words, you are “1,000%” correct.  I am completely intolerant - intolerant of such things as hatred, 

bigotry, sexism, homophobia, racism, anti-Semitism and many, many other “-isms”.  So if that is your definition of “intolerant” and calling me that makes you sleep well at night . . . then by all means, I proudly accept that title.

And while word “homophobia” ends with “-phobia” it is generally understood that the meaning of this word is not a “fear” of homosexuals but one who choses to discriminate against homosexuals.  My favorite quote regarding this “confusing” definition:  “I hate the word homophobia.  It's not a phobia.  You are not scared.  You are an asshole”.  

Furthermore, I am DELIGHTED that you feel sorry for me, for I really wouldn't want somebody with your moral superiority complex to really ever agree with me.

It does make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know that you are TERRIFIED of homosexuality becoming “completely accepted and supported in our society”.

Let's break that down . . .shall we??  And I will keep the math simple so you can follow along:

1.  Assume that there are approximately 315 million people currently in the U.S. right now.

2.  An often cited study from the 2000 Census estimated that there were 777,000 same-sex couples living together,  which equates to about 0.50% of the total population (because you have to multiply the 777 thousand by two just in case you aren’t following).

3.  Now, let’s assume that every state allows same-sex marriage (which it doesn’t).  There is no reason to believe that gay couples would marry at different rates than heterosexual couples - a rate which is at an all time low of 51%.  So if only half of those same-sex couples got married, you are talking about 388,500 gay, married couples living in the United States.  

So . . . you are telling me that you are "TERRIFIED" of what 388,500 gay and lesbian happily married couples will do to the moral fabric of this society?  Really, this is your fear??  It seems like being the wife of a Doctor in Utah has more dire consequences than this.  

Holy Bible.  This is not a bag of trail mix.  You can’t just pick out the pieces you like and ignore the rest.  Gay marriage.

As neither a history buff nor a religious scholar, I can only assume that you are referring to Sodom and Gomorrah as “evidence” of a civilization that God “wiped” out because they “allowed themselves to accept such depravity”.  If that is the case, then you must be one of those people that interpret the Bible as a literal interpretation of historical events and therefore are beholden to all of the scriptures as “God’s law”.  Knowing this you must therefore:  be Kosher, never cut your hair (whoopsie - I know that one isn't true), not let cattle graze with other types of cattle (uh oh - Utah is fucked) . . . . etc.  And if you don’t follow ALL of those “rules” then you are admitting to only picking and choosing parts of the Bible that suit your fancy.  And that, my friend, is called hypocrisy.  

So please, don’t try to insult anybody’s intelligence by claiming to be “about as open minded as a devout Christian can get”.  “Open minded” people don't take it upon themselves to tell consenting adults who are perfect strangers to you what they can, and cannot do in this regard.

If we can't marry, then you can't divorce.jpg If we can’t marry, then you can’t divorce.  Gay marriage.

And if you believe that “marriage” is a religious contract between a man and a woman in the eyes of God, why aren’t you working just as hard to outlaw divorce??

America was founded on religious freedom NOT Christianity despite what Pat Robertson wants his minions to believe.  Speaking of which, why do y’all spend so much time thinking about what goes on in the bedrooms of other consenting adults??  That's weird.  Seriously.  Find another hobby.

And keep in mind - that the argument you made in your message below is the EXACT SAME ARGUMENT made in the 1950s and 1960s in this country to ban interracial marriage.  How is history judging those people now??

Back in those days, a Georgia Senator who proposed an amendment to ban interracial marriage stated, “Intermarriage between Negros or persons of color and Caucasians within the United States … (should be) forever prohibited.  Intermarriage between whites and blacks is repulsive and averse to every sentiment of pure American spirit. It is abhorrent and repugnant. It is subversive to social peace. It is destructive of moral supremacy. (Emphasis mine).  Sound familiar??  And if you can explain how your argument is different from the ones used in attempt to ban interracial marriage, I'd certainly love to hear it!

I do, however, have to take a moment to congratulate you on your well-written e-mail.  When reading commentary from those who are against same-sex marriage, the comments are usually rife with colloquialisms and atrocious spelling and grammatical errors, typically reflecting the lack of education amongst them. 

I also have to thank you very sincerely for obviously being a devout follower of our silly little "mommy blog".  I have to say, that based on our traffic information provided by Google Analytics, we don’t really have any “straight” male followers, so yea for us!!

So enjoy your day.  But if you think that you are going to persuade me to stop believing that I have a right to tell perfect strangers who they can and can't marry, you are fooling yourself, so you might as well save yourself the kilobytes.

And by all means, please continue this discussion with me in writing.  That Chick-fil-A post/meme was so successful (in terms of traffic generated) that I have a brilliant idea for a follow-up post.

Oct 22, 2012, at 1:37 PM, Gregory B***** <greg.******@me.com> wrote:

The only point out of all of that that I think is worth my time responding to is your saying that if I'm following the bible literally I should eat kosher and all those other things that pertain to the Law of Moses. If you'd actually read the bible and understood it, you'd know that the Law of Moses was fulfilled when Christ came. No longer applicable. No longer the correct way to worship. 

Gay Babies.jpg  If you don’t like gay marriage, blame straight people.  They’re the ones who keep having gay babies.  Gay marriage.

That aside, yes, I do interpret the Bible literally, with the exception of things that are obviously symbolism like the book of Revelations. People saying the Bible is all figurative is a cop-out. People being afraid of what it says. God DID destroy Sodom & Gomorrah. Jesus Christ DID create this Earth and numberless amounts of other worlds filled with people just like us, and established the same Gospel on every single one of them (that is Mormon doctrine. It's probably not news to you that I'm Mormon.).  There are rights and wrongs that are eternal. No matter who, what, when, where, or why, homosexuality will always be wrong. If that were not so, the universe could not be. 

You can use every weapon in your liberal, progressive, smartass arsenal to try and destroy what is right, or hide it, or make it look bad, but in the end your efforts will be futile.

By “the end” I mean 2 things. I mean it in the colloquial sense, as in “overall”, “when it comes down to it”, etc. You just cannot change what is right and you cannot change the consequences. Allowing things that God has firmly declared wrong will ALWAYS bring misery and pain, one way or another. You don't have to believe me. You will find out for yourself. Which brings me to my second meaning. I mean “the end” in a literal sense as well. The end of all the wickedness and rebellion, when Christ returns. Christ WILL return to this Earth and you WILL be held accountable for trying to destroy His kingdom. Unless of course you open your heart to His truth, repent, and change your ways before He returns. 

Now, you may think I'm avoiding all your individual arguments because you outwitted me with all your statistics and sarcasm. That is not the case. I could waste my time fighting you line for line, and be right. What I have already said is the answer to all of it. There is right and wrong, homosexuality is wrong, there WILL be dire consequences, and whether you believe me or not, you WILL find out one day that I am right. I honestly hope you find out way before it's too late. I would love to see you standing at the gates of God's kingdom (if I make it there myself). I honestly, honestly would. I don't wish condemnation or sorrow on anyone. Not even Hitler. But that's all I can do. Love people and tell them the truth, hoping their heart is soft enough to listen.

Please don't respond. I won’t read it.

-Greg

So.  I didn’t respond.  Because I was “TERRIFIED” that if I did, words like “harassment”, “stalking” and “restraining order” might start getting tossed around a little too easily.  So I will respond here:

Top Ten Reasons to Make Gay Marriage Illegal.jpg

My dearest Gregory,

First of all, let me start by saying that this has been the most scrumptious email correspondence from our blog. Ever. By far, my favorite quote was that I was using “every weapon in (my) liberal, progressive, smartass arsenal” to prove your points invalid.  That might just be one of my favorite things ever said to or about me.  I think I just found my anti-soulmate and might even have a bit of a crush on you similar to “Stockholm Syndrome”.

That being said, thank you so much for letting me know that the “Laws of Moses” are “no longer applicable”.  Whew!!  Good to know.  Do you know how many hours of time, effort and energy that saves us from that whole “Ten Commandments” nonsense?

However, I feel it necessary to ask one simple question.  If, by your reasoning, the Old Testament is irrelevant, how can you use “Sodom and Gomorrah” as the basis for your argument?  Again, I’m not a biblical scholar, but I’m pretty sure the story of Sodom and Gomorrah was told in the book of Genesis which is, like, the first book in the Old Testament??  Although I am not entirely positive, I’m pretty darn sure there is nothing in the New Testament in which God utters, “Never mind that ‘Old part’.”

Memo.gif  Oh, God hates gays huh?  Maybe you could forward the memo he sent you.  Gay marriage.

It is especially fascinating to know that you are “living the way God wants us to live”.  In my humble opinion, it seems fairly narcissistic to be certain that you KNOW the will of God so intimately.  I believe you may suffer from delusions of grandeur.

It is also good to know that you’ve got Hitler’s back.  Awesome.  Duly noted.

It is obviously more important to you that your gay neighbor not be happy, because that will obviously make you happy.

Marriage, in this country, is a civil contract. It does not require the benefit of clergy, and it does not require the two people to share the same religion.  Therefore, by taking a stance against same-sex marriage, you are, unequivocally, denying those couples equal rights.  

Jesus.jpg  I would like to read to you what The Jesus said about homosexuality . . . I’d like to, but he never said anything about it.  Gay marriage.

If you avoid conduct because it is against the teachings of your religion (in your case: drinking, smoking, and Victoria’s Secret) you certainly have the right to do so. But if you want to make something illegal or deny equal rights to others only because it involves a particular activity which your specific religion proscribes . . . well, that’s just wrong.

I’m going to go ahead and chalk this up as a “Win” in the “Smartass” column especially since you never even bothered to address my question about the difference between your argument and those used in support of a ban against interracial marriage all those years ago.  Ironically, that was the one thing I wasn’t being sarcastic about.

So please enjoy your day dear chap and thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to place an intellectual beat down on your sorry, homophobic ass.

Very sincerely,
A liberal, progressive, smartass mommy

What Will Happen If Gay Marriage is Legalized.jpgTraditional Marriage.png  Gay marriage.Some Dudes Marry Dudes.jpg  Some dudes marry dudes.  Get over it.  Gay marriage.


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