Oh . . . My . . .
God. It is so much fun to write a snarky
blog. It really is a great way to let
off steam express yourself legally creatively.
That being said, I could definitely do without the wadded panties one can find in blogdom.
Things to know about blogs:
- People will get mad if they think something has been written about them.
- People will get mad if they think something has been written about somebody they know.
- People will get mad if they think something has been written about something they think.
- People will get mad if they think that something applies to them.
- People will get mad if something should have been written about them.
- People will get mad . . . . . . . .
I don’t think I’ve ever found myself getting all hot and bothered over a blog post.
Maybe, just maybe, if a blogger made a statement along the lines of:
I think we should start making fur-lined boots with skinned kitty cats . . .
Ok then, I might comment on it.
But if I’ve ever come across something that was even borderline personally offensive, I always take into account the fact that these are, in fact, blogs.
We are not reporters for The New York Times.
We will not be appearing as lead anchor on the five o’clock news with our “stories”.
The vast majority of the time, what we are about is clearly stated on our site (confusingly found in an “About Us” section), so one can usually use that as a guideline to take everything we say with a grain of salt.
Whenever I see a “I can’t believe you wrote that/you do you think you are/you’re just jealous” comment on a blog, the first thing that comes to mind is the following phrase:
First World Problem.
And the way it appears in my head is usually in that font.
At the end of the day, if you are really going to get mad, pick a topic like: the prevalence of genocide in the world, childhood abductions, skyrocketing corn prices, the idiocy of politicians, taxes, Lindsay Lohan . . . . you know, something important!!!
However, knowing that a post about why posts shouldn’t be offensive will probably still offend someone, I’ve decided to write a book.
A children’s book.
Using monosyllabic words when possible.
(All due respect and inspirational credit goes to Anna Dewdney, author of the Llama, Llama books. Her books are awesome!!!)
Illustrated By: No One (Yet.)
Note: The above image has been Photoshopped. Badly.
Reader
Reader,
Having
fun.
Wine and
gossip
In the
sun.
Time to
blog!
It’s
Saturday!
Reader
Reader
Wants to
play.
First
the checking,
Then a
huff.
Reader
Reader
Gets mad
at stuff!
Reader
reading
Lots of
sites.
Getting
madder
Left and
right.
Reader
Reader can’t believe
What she
is about to read!
Gets her
panties in a wad,
She
starts typing really hard.
Reader
Reader quickly types,
“I just can’t believe
You had the nerve
To post ‘bout me!!”
“Bitchy bloggers,
Lots of whine.
Posters that really start to grind.
Big, bad grammar, tons of crap.
I can’t believe she wrote that!”
Sanctimommies
And
stupid butts.
Reader
types, “She said what?!?!”
Types a
word and then a race,
To post her sass in cyberspace.
Her big
girl panties
Are in a
wad.
She
really thinks
You’re
quite the twat.
Brand
new mani
That
Reader chipped?
The big,
bad blogger gives not a shit.
Silly
huff and hissy fit.
Reader doesn’t get the blogger’s wit.
Vapid
reader with too much time,
Really,
really just wants to whine.
Does not
matter,
What the
post.
Silly
reader just wants her boast.
“It’s no fun at this website.
Stupid Blogger.
She’s not right!!”
“I’ll show her,
I’ll throw a fit!
I’ll get myself good and lit!”
“You’re
so wrong!” and
“You can’t say that!!”
Are
sorts of things that readers spat.
CRASH the board and SMASH
those keys!!
No more
reading!! Enough of these!!
Out go
bookmarks and other stuff . . . .
Reader
Reader has had ENOUGH!!
Sweet,
sweet Reader,
Darling
dear.
That
type of comment’s
Not
welcome here!
Please
stop fussing, little mamma.
Reader
Reader, Stop Your Drama!!
I think
that blogging is silly too –
But at
the least we’re here with you!!
Let’s
see if we can make this fun
And get
a silly blog post done.
Let’s be
a team in this crazy world!
Now just
grow up! You stupid girl.
Wipe
those tears,
Mop up
sweat.
Sweet,
sweet Reader – don’t you fret!
That
little post was not ‘bout you.
Please
stop feeling oh so blue.
It’s
quite, quite silly, to be such a mess.
You
should be ashamed, I must confess.
First
world problems.
That’s
what you have.
You
really don’t need
To care
‘bout that.
Get a
real life and a sense of humor.
You’re
giving yourself quite the tumor.
Close
your laptop,
Take a
breath.
‘Lest
you give yourself
An early
death.
Say
good-bye to our silly blog.
Sarcasm
is our little niche.
Reader,
Reader.
Don’t be a bitch.