Sanctimommies and the Mompetition Wars (Part II):  Shut the Hell Up Gisele

Much ado was made about the supermodel Gisele Bundchen and her “I’m better than you” approach to childbirth and breastfeeding. 

As far as I can tell, here is the link to the original, original article that quoted from the Harper’s Bazaar magazine interview:

There should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.

Full disclosure:  I actually liked Gisele as a model.  I thought she brought curves back (relatively speaking) to an industry that brought us the concept of “Heroin chic”.  Now I just think that she is an insufferable bitch. 

 Of COURSE she had a “natural, at home” childbirth, of COURSE she breastfed her kid (more on that later), of COURSE she was back modeling only six weeks after giving birth, but did that skinny twit just tell us that there should be a “WORLDWIDE LAW”??? (emphasis and disbelief mine) that requires all mothers to breastfeed for six months???  I could work myself up into a real giggle fit trying to think what the sentencing guidelines might be for breaking such a legislative requirement.  Three months of hard labor (ba da bum . . . .really bad pun intended)??

According to the article, Gisele also said:

I think breastfeeding really helped (getting her figure back). Some people here think they don't have to breastfeed, and I think, ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child, when they are so little?’

Ummmm, sweetie, first of all, ALL food is “chemical” food.  WATER is a chemical, comprised of the elements hydrogen and oxygen.  Now I am smart enough to realize that what she probably meant was either “processed” or “inorganic” food, but I am also smart enough to have said it and made that distinction.  Did motherhood turn her brain to mush??  (Thank GOD she told me about CHEMICAL food.  I guess now I’ll take the Roundup mix out of the Dr. Brown’s bottle and give “the boy” something from Whole Foods instead).  I just adore parenting tips from multi-millionaires who live in houses with square footage measuring in the tens of thousands.  Please put a microphone in front of the damn nanny, thank you very much.  I’d sure as hell much rather hear what she thinks.  God only knows how we managed to raise our own children without the help of celebrity mommies. 

And the ultimate hypocrisy??  The bitch apparently only breastfed for three weeks.

"Bless her little heart" means "Fuck that bitch" in Southern.

I think there should now be a worldwide law that bubble-headed models keep their ignorant opinions to themselves.  Or how about this?  An international mandate that prevents douche canoes (thank you People I Want to Punch in the Throat) like Tom Brady from ditching their pregnant girlfriends to shack up with a supermodel.

We have a saying in the South:  “Bless her heart”.  It can mean something as innocent and sincere as “oh, you poor thing” to the more sardonic “what a fucking idiot”.  So . . . bless her little heart, but she should just stick to print ads so we don’t have to listen to her speak.

© Two too smart, smartass mommies 2011