Using Profanity on Fucking Facebook

What’s the big deal? It doesn’t hurt anybody. Fuck, fuckity, fuck-fuck-fuck!

~ Eric Cartman in South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

A fabulously funny, intelligent and potty-mouthed Jewish mommy friend of mine recently posted the following comment on Facebook - “I have a filthy mouth and sometimes choose to express myself on FB with "dirty" words. If that bothers you then feel free to hide my feed or unfriend me. Peace out bitches.”  In a follow-up response she stated, “No need for the bullshit stars, straight up fuck will do. Someone, not naming any names, yelled at me for my potty mouth. That person can suck it.”

This, of course, got me thinking what it is about swearing on Facebook that really gets some people’s panties in a wad.  If you are really that person’s “Friend” and not just connected to them to up your own “Friend Count” (which to me is a self-fulfilling, demoralizing prophecy), chances are you know this about the swearer and should accept them as a “Friend” for who they are without the need to virtually tar and feather your friend for their language, which apparently offends your delicate little sensibilities. 

Facebook, at the end of the day, is a social networking site for which users must subscribe, provide their information and, at a bare minimum, promise while crossing their heart that they are at least 13-years old.  On top of that, these egregious Facebook cursers are making their posts visible only to their network of friends, as opposed to making them “Public”.  So at the end of the day, you have a group of interconnected adults (theoretically speaking) with at least something in common as your audience.  For fuck’s sake, this isn’t a PBSKids.org chat room and you (hopefully) aren’t telling a group of five-year olds to go and eat shit.  And if those five-year olds happen to read what you just said, first of all, congratulations are in order for their excellent phonics and literacy skills, but secondly, a five-year old would go and do what five-years olds do – take it literally and go and find a piece of shit to actually consume.

Some might say that profanity isn’t “necessary”.  Well, my thought is that it’s not really necessary to be wearing thong panties from La Perla, so maybe if you pull that string that’s worked itself so firmly up your ass, you might just realize that much in this world isn’t “necessary”.  I also suspect that even more people would retort that swearing is a sign of uneducated speaker with poor language skills.  Horseshit!  The people I know who swear the most tend to have the most erudite vocabularies.  Given everything that has gone on, and is going on, in this world, I haven’t really met anyone who is honestly shocked at profanity, so your act of feigning shock isn’t very fucking convincing. 

Obviously, for some people, they will look for any opportunity to perch proudly upon their moral high horse and soapbox.  But that is not my point.  Swearing on Facebook is NOT offensive.  We’re not doing it around our kids nor in public areas of strangers where others could be offended.  These acts are taking place in a closed community filled with consenting adults.  Swear words fill an extremely import niche in the language that couldn’t be conveyed without them.  For example:

One could say, “Oh golly, my house is burning down! What a terrible tragedy!"

OR, one might more befittingly utter:  “OH MY FUCKING GOD THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE! SHIT!”

The first example is so inappropriately mild that it borders on being grammatically incorrect with the potential implication that its speaker is a fucking moron.  The second example clearly expresses action, meaning and intensity in a suitable and necessary fashion.  If one were to call ‘911’ and articulate the first example, I wouldn’t be expecting emergency responders anytime soon.

Profanity is used for any number of reasons, but mainly as an intensifier to show that one has strong feelings about a particular subject:  to shock, to offend, for humorous effect, or for added color and vividness.  “Bad words” are simply words – we use them like any other word depending on the subject matter and the audience, so the same reason that we use profanity is the same reason that we would use any other word – because it’s the right word at the right time.

 Simply put:  if you find it so distasteful, do what you do when you are browsing through the television channels late at night looking for something to watch, and you “accidentally” come across a certain subscription-based network that you “forgot” to cancel . . . click and change the channel, dumbass.  Or just fucking unfriend me. 

 Peace out, bitches.  

© Two too smart, smartass mommies 2011